Journey to the end... Destinations are few...

It is such a perfect day - Cold Play (playing in my head phone). I am positive as I ride the white liner to home.. thinking about her... Cold play is still singing - "The sky could be blue... could be gray... I don't mind.. without you it is just a waste of time"

I have bought this wonderful watch for her. Well it is the most expensive watch I have bought till date. I am feeling very positive and happy, I have a plan, plan to enjoy my 2nd anniversary, where we would just celebrate togetherness... I don't know if I can do that... but I can try... She has to agree to come and see me in the evening though (The background story.. later).

The wind is gushing into me from the windows, I can barely write due to the jerk in the third last seat of the bus, but it helps when there are hardly any people around. It is like my own world here in this weirdly attached tri-seats!

This reminds me of those rides to office together... well.. only her cell phone had FM and it used to be a sweet tussle, who would be listening to those romantic "Gajab ka hai din" but we were very accommodating with one ear plug each. She used to like it slow and soft and I used to like it loud and hard. I don't think I have left any opportunity to irritate her... that time it used to be swinging the volume to the extremes!

After she went to her parents place (Patience!! - The Background story - later), I couldn't hear FM, so I bought a cell phone... When I entered that shop the first criteria was "Show me a cell phone with FM". After that day I had continuously played FM (Yeah! i am a maniac) when I am on my way to office or when I return home...
They played "Gajab ka hai din" the other day.. I enjoyed... but when I used to look at the people outside.. the traffic... everything seemed to be in hurry.. everything thing seemed running... The song was the same, this time even with both the ear phones but the moment was not freezing time as it used to while sharing one ear plug!!!

They have started excavation for the new metro line in the bypass. The city is towards its max urbanization.

The glasses of the window in the bus beside mine are sweating by air condition inside, everyone sitting inside the bus looks the same, all looking out of the window in the same direction. I have no clue what are they searching... How quite it looks for them! They are all moving to the same location, doing the same thing.... "Waiting...!"

I just realized the song list has shuffled... it is playing Dido - Don't leave home (If you are cold I keep you warm... if you are low... just hold on.. coz I will be your safety... o..o.. don't leave home.. Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
When it's just you and little me)

The couple riding the bike... OH!!! It is Deja vu... I felt I was there riding this bike with her... and right here in the window seat where I am... there was this guy who was staring at us... but I guess I was so flourished with happiness then, that I just didn't realize then!!!

Na jaane koi... kaisi hai ye zindagani... HUMARI ADHURI KAHANI... (Song is shuffling very fast)...

I need to get down... my intermediate halt has come...!!!

Being thoughtful, emotional, sensitive, nostalgic all at one time!!

It is like i want to do something but i don't feel like doing it..
It is like i want to write but can't find words..
It is like i want to listen to a song but I can't find the lyrics..
It is like i want to stay in this world but i want to reach the moon as well..
It is like i want to swim but i want to fly as well..
It is like i want to be awake but i want to sleep as well..
It is like i want to hear but i want to speak as well..

I am going crazzzy... don't know what I have written.

Kisi ko apni amal ka hisaab kya dete!
Sawaal Itne the jawab kya dete!!

Bahut Durr ha baharon ka mausam,
Kaali raat daaman mein ghir aayi hai!!

Mera kuch aisa haal hai,
Himmat nahi ki khudko bayan hum dete!!

Lonely and so lonesome, I was
moving down the road so dark.

Aimlessly I roamed, With no hope in my heart,
When I lost my way to the dream of my days!

Lost and I was,
Shivering, trying to find my way,
Stars were the only option,
As they lightened up my way,
And twinkled to give me a ray!!!!!

As it filtered through the trees,
And washed my way,
Twilight eyes glittered with the shining face,
I could see my destination right away!!

Where the clouds are drying and the sea is crying,
Where the land is evaporating and the mountains are melting,
Where our smiles are dying and our lives are parting,
Where our love’s diminishing and our hearts are shrinking!!

I wish this day and the days next be the days of God;
Where everything falls in for good and for all…
You Smile… you Laugh… you Cheer and you can see it Clear
For all those years which are knocking to enter our sphere!!

I wish you millions of laughter and trillions of Fun..




Wherever I am in this world, or not…
I wish you be the happiest among the billions in this Earth
From the bottom of my heart…!
I wish you the happiest of Birthday and wish it happily returns every year!!
May God always ask Sun to shine brighter where you are!!!

Sooni andheri raaton mein!

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain

I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again

And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day

And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life

Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life 

Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through

Then you hand me a towel and all I see is you

And even if my house falls down, I wouldn't have a clue

Because you're near me and  

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life

Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

These days I am getting some time to sit back and think, introspect and reflect to my "Journey to the end" during last couple of years. More I try to bring it out here, more I get confused, if I will be able to decipher. Overall, it has been an overwhelming Journey, more than a couple of halfway achievements, and some hiccups.

When I start looking at what I had expected out of myself, Facts and Realities dawn at me. I have made so many mistakes, I have been lazy, I have been ignorant, I have messed up, I have been impulsive, I have got furiously angry, I have not empathized enough, I have not handled situations the way it was expected out of me, I have not met expectations... but above all, I have this constant feeling that I have failed myself, if not anyone else.

Did I give my 100% or was I even trying 10%? I can not freeze the number here... but did I try?

Life will never give me these two years again, for that matter any of my previous years again. If I tried more... I know... I could have been more practical, I could have been less emotional, I could have been proactive, I could have done my homework, I could have controlled my anger, I could have been more compassionate, I could have thought before spilling it out... I know even then it would have created some mess, even then some expectations would still have been hanging mid-way... but above all, I would have felt proud, proud of myself that I gave 100%.

I did try... Yes, I tried... but I was not upto my own expectation... As 2008 is rushing by... I make myself this commitment that I will try... I will try even more... 

Lets 2009 end with a loud and firm belief in me, above everyone else who may have endless expectation out of me, 

"Yes I gave my 100%... Yes I tried 100%".