These days I am getting some time to sit back and think, introspect and reflect to my "Journey to the end" during last couple of years. More I try to bring it out here, more I get confused, if I will be able to decipher. Overall, it has been an overwhelming Journey, more than a couple of halfway achievements, and some hiccups.
When I start looking at what I had expected out of myself, Facts and Realities dawn at me. I have made so many mistakes, I have been lazy, I have been ignorant, I have messed up, I have been impulsive, I have got furiously angry, I have not empathized enough, I have not handled situations the way it was expected out of me, I have not met expectations... but above all, I have this constant feeling that I have failed myself, if not anyone else.
Did I give my 100% or was I even trying 10%? I can not freeze the number here... but did I try?
Life will never give me these two years again, for that matter any of my previous years again. If I tried more... I know... I could have been more practical, I could have been less emotional, I could have been proactive, I could have done my homework, I could have controlled my anger, I could have been more compassionate, I could have thought before spilling it out... I know even then it would have created some mess, even then some expectations would still have been hanging mid-way... but above all, I would have felt proud, proud of myself that I gave 100%.
I did try... Yes, I tried... but I was not upto my own expectation... As 2008 is rushing by... I make myself this commitment that I will try... I will try even more...
Lets 2009 end with a loud and firm belief in me, above everyone else who may have endless expectation out of me,
"Yes I gave my 100%... Yes I tried 100%".
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